Moments in time:beginnings, betrayals and becoming
by Roo1965
Summary: Vignettes in Jim's life. Spoilers for Switchman. Set in Season 1 before Deep Water. Gen. Angst.


Author's notes: I'm new to the Sentinel universe, and this is my first story in it. (June 2003) I may be wrong about the dates in Jim's timeline.

**Moments in time:beginnings,betrayals and becoming. by Roo 1965**

Ellison household 1980

"I'm not staying here any longer, you can't stop me. I'm going!"

The door slammed and Jim stood on the front porch of the big white house for a second before striding off up the drive.

The door opened behind him, his father stood in the doorway.

"You think you're so special- you're not, you're just a normal kid and you defy me at every opportunity. Why can't you be more like Steven?"

Jim spun round -shouting now because he couldn't keep it in any longer. It was either that or beat the crap out of his father.

"Maybe because that would make us like twins, and we're not. You drove mom away, and you've driven me away too. Congratulations dad. You have perfect Steven instead of me. Goodbye and good riddance. What this family is _isn't_ normal. You kept me and Steven fighting each other and just when we figured something out you changed the fucking goalposts. Every single time!

Steven can carry on playing your little mind games but I'm not going to anymore. You never believed me when I said I saw what I saw or heard. I've had enough pretending. The only person here I'm going to miss is Sally," he shouted, breathing hard, wondering what his father was going to do or say next.

"The army won't take you son. No staying power. You give up every time. You'll see. You'll come crawling back here in a month," his father sneered and he shut the door again

Jim yelled at the shut door on the big white house.

"I'm never coming back! They'll take me. You don't know a thing about me and you never will. This is my choice. Me not you!"

He strode off to a waiting motorbike with panniers loaded with belongings and sped off; his father didn't see him leave and he ignored the face staring out from the upstairs window.

Army barracks, Colonel Dickerson 11th March1988

Colonel Dickerson sighed as he re read the file on Captain James Ellison. The man had come a long way- troubled family background, smart though, and oh yes a smart mouth, fiery temper. That had got him into more trouble than he cared to think about. Only his woods skills, sniper rating, fitness and leadership skills had won him any favours, the officer was popular with the men in his unit. They won night manoeuvres competitions for years and Ellison had a stack of marksmanship medals too.

He really seemed to rally round them, instinctively protecting them while achieving the objective. He was also a good medic. A team player. The Captain was restrained about his achievements -he didn't brag, he kept to himself mostly. But he would do anything for his unit, and they would look out for him in return.

Recruiting him for black ops had been a real find. He was silent and deadly when necessary. But the Major had a bad feeling about this contact and anti insurgency training mission in Peru. He'd been overruled by some Colonel Oliver and the team was assembled without consulting him. Where had he got his Intel from? His Captain was being poached from under his nose – he'd be off in a couple of days.

Still- they wouldn't be gone more than a month or two to train the locals, and come back again. And the Captain would look after the unit as always

Captain Simon Banks, Major Crimes, Cascade PD 1994

"What do you mean you need some time off?' We're in the middle of an investigation!2

He looked at his friend and fellow detective, worried. Jim looked a bit scared and frazzled. He'd never seen him like this. Ellison unsure? The man had changed a lot from the cocky detective he had inherited from Vice.

Bad attitude and bad clothes style or at least that was the way Jack Pendergrast saw it. Pairing them together was like putting oil and water together and then setting light to the oil on the surface. But it had worked pretty well until Jack had disappeared leaving Jim to carry the can. Ellison never wavered in his belief that Jack hadn't run off with the ransom money. The verdict was still out on that one.

Coming from a military back ground should have been a good basis for being a detective -you followed orders- except Jim didn't. At least when he'd had a partner someone could rein him in. Since Jack went AWOL Ellison had refused to work with anyone again, which meant he was a bit of a lose canon.

But he got results. He knew the streets, hustled a bit, had got respect from those in the know. He was tough but fair mostly. Apart from bad days when his temper and mouth engaged at the same time. Light fuse and retire very fast in the opposite direction…

At least he didn't go on and on about being in the army- a Ranger, an elite- Banks had been worried about that when he read the Personnel files when he started at Cascade PD. He'd asked his new detective to talk about himself and learned that Ellison didn't work that way. To his surprise he'd brushed off Peru lightly

"It's in the past sir, I don't remember much about the whole thing to be honest."

At least he and Carolyn were able to be civil at work even if their brief marriage hadn't been. Lots of sparkage all right, but working like he was the only one who could solve every crime in Cascade wasn't going to keep them together and it hadn't.

"Look it could happen to any body, you were on look out for days waiting for the Switchman's next strike. Hell you and the whole SWAT team could have been blown up out there. So you fell off the back of the motorbike and lost the suspect. You were tired out. Get yourself checked out and come back later."

Blair Sandburg -Cascade hospital same day

"Oh my god this could be it, this could be a real Sentinel with ALL five, hope Shelley got this right, hope she doesn't get into any trouble at the hospital. Five! Oh man..."

….

"At least I managed to get him to take the card. I hope he comes to check it out. He'll be too curious not to."

Next day Rainer University-Blair Sandburg.  


I thought he was going to kill me. God- what an arrogant son of a bitch. My back hurts being slammed against the wall like that.

But I guess you don't like loss of control – right? I mean you're so alpha it's off the scale, wonder if that's a sentinel thing?

Ah –see NOW I have your attention… no I don't- gerbils have nothing on you man.

Wait… wait ! There's something else I have to tell you... that Burton mentions…crap there's a bus coming and he doesn't hear or see it.

I can't believe I'm doing this…

Jim Ellison 1995

What happened to my life?

I spent so long proving to myself that I was fine on my own. Pushing everybody away especially after Peru, never wanting to lose people under my command again. I tried so hard to save the men that survived the crash only to lose all seven of them after all. Then I just focused on finishing the mission. I thought that pushing people away meant they wouldn't get hurt, but they did anyway.

Carolyn, I'm so sorry. I thought you were what I wanted and needed but we both proved that wrong.

Simon -I know I'm not the easiest to get on with. Carrying the flag for Jack kind of takes it out of you. I know what the others think he did. You see I let my guard down and shared for a while and people around me got hurt again.

How does Blair put up with me, how did he sneak in under my defences?

I had purity and order in the loft. It was clean and bright. What happened to it? It's gone green, it's messy, stuff – books, pots, and wall hangings everywhere…He never sticks to the rules I had to lay down so we could both live here…

Weird music, weird food, certain people wandering about till the small hours…but actually it feels more lived in than when Carolyn and I were married.

It feels like I've finally come home.


End file.
